Ok, Kandi, Your Turn On The Couch!

Check out the excitement building at http://kandis-land.com/!

Another blast from the past, reworked, updated, rethought.


What I am about to talk about is only my belief.  It is not anything scientific and it is my belief from personal experience. Why am I a crossdresser?  This theory of mine has nothing to do with being transgendered.  I believe that those that are transgendered are born that way.  Much like someone is born gay, left handed, tall, athletic, highly intelligent, etc…  I believe crossdressing is a learned behavior and happens early in our lives.  I have rarely read about someone becoming a crossdresser in their adulthood (although it does happen).  Most stories talk about trying on a sister’s clothing or a mother’s clothing in our youth.  Now please understand my analogy here, I am NOT equating these two things, but it demonstrates my point.  If you are abused as a child, odds are good that you will grow up to be an abuser.  You process those experiences differently as a child.  If you get abused as an adult, you probably have the ability to defend yourself in some fashion and can make a conscious decision that this is behavior you do not wish to engage in.

Look we all know how much fun it is crossdressing when we have the ability to do so freely.  I contend that if you injected every male with a truth serum and dressed them, a significant percentage would enjoy the experience.  So as a child, if we are exposed to crossdressing, it becomes hard wired into us, before we have the societal guidelines drilled into us that boys do this and girls do that.  My very first memory is as a five year old, behind my neighbor’s garage (two neighborhood girls, I even remember their names, Denise and Lisa), putting on a dress.  I still know what that dress felt like and what color it was.  That instant Kandi was born although she took almost 50 years to make her debut.  From then on it was that urge, sneaking into the basement to try on a bra that was in the wash or wearing that dress that was on the pile for donation.  During high school I had a paper route in the early morning.  Of course, it was impossible to get anyone to cover the route, so I never joined my family for vacations.  That meant being home alone for a few days at a time, which meant trying on a whole bunch of things.

Also contributing to these urges, I am sure, was the fact that I was the oldest, first born son.  Then in successive years my parents had three girls.  I am sure somewhere along the way subconsciously I felt like girls got all the attention.  Three sisters, no brother.  Two daughters, no son.  Living with women for the significant majority of my life.  That means I almost always had easy access to women’s clothing.

Make any sense?  That is why I wince when I see any scenario where a young boy is dressed as a girl.  If it’s his choice, God bless him, probably transgendered.  If not, you just may have created another crossdresser.  There were three periods in my life where I did not live with women: college, about a year after college and one other time.  Near as I can remember, I never had these urges during those periods in my life.

I lived by myself when I finally landed my first job. I know for a fact, no CDing. Never crossed my mind, never thought about it. I believe that from the second half of 1979 (yeah, some of us dinosaurs roamed the Earth back then) until around mid 1986, these feeling were gone. Gone but not forgotten! But it all came rushing back and in about 2014, took over my life. A blessing? Absolutely. A curse? No question. This is so many different great and deplorable (thanks for the word Hillary!) things. Life, if you understand it, please let me know.

Okay, time is up Doctor.  I’ll pay on my way out. I believe that was $0.05, correct? Here is my insurance card.

2 thoughts on “Ok, Kandi, Your Turn On The Couch!

  1. I think you hit it about right on where many fall on this gender spectrum.
    I’m pretty sure I’m trans, but not one to complete a transition.
    I do think had I known this when I was much younger I would have transition, long before grandchildren and other such things.
    Yet even though I did figure it out late , for me being gender fluid has worked for me and it does seem to fit.
    I think it’s because I still like part of that guy that is inside of me but the girl is defiantly more dominate and it took me years to understand that
    I actually can look quite feminine even if my presentation is male.
    So yes being fluid works, but being full on girl is so much more fun and rewarding for me
    Love ya Kandi


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