I Tried….

I have decided to shut the Supper Club down. It was frankly full of hassles and disappointments for me personally. COVID is a big part of this certainly, but it goes beyond that. My intention was to create a joyful space for us to gather together and to also set a positive example in the public. And in that regard, we did accomplish that. But logistical issues, scheduling, last minute cancellations and misunderstandings simply render it too much for me to take anymore. I will continue to draw inward, trying to keep more to myself and be less involved with those in the “community”. I simply continue to walk away shaking my head at the lack of mutual respect and support. My own personal experience and it is significant, is that the general public treats me so much better than our “community”. I can point to hundreds of examples of this, so I do not say this flippantly. I have been blessed with some very good friends and will simply seek outings with a smaller circle of people.

I am sure my viewpoint will evolve and I reserve the right to change my mind, but right now, I’m done. I tried.

I was excited about two outings I had planned for last Friday and Sunday. I scrapped them, just not feeling it right now.

I have talked about how Kandi is a huge time sponge and she is for sure. When dressed and what the Supper Club was intended to do was create an avenue for me to socialize. I crave socialization. After you read my post this past Saturday, being warehoused for two years created a few things for me. Once you piss away those years, you learn never to take a single day for granted, which is why I always stay busy. I also relish silence. Love it! And I always seek socialization. COVID has principally rained on that parade, which is why I founded the former Supper Club. I found out now that doesn’t really work and I have found social outlets in my real life.

Running has done that, but so has my pickleball participation (don’t laugh). Last Wednesday, I did two things. I played pickleball in the morning and Supper Club in the evening. When I played pickleball, I joined a group of about 10 people and I was clearly the youngest. I knew no one walking in, not a soul. Two hours later I had a bunch of new friends, had great conversations and was asked to join them next week. That evening, I had fun, but it was strained and as you may be able to tell, someone pissed me off (after the fact). Quite the juxtaposition. But remember, Kandi is a part of me, she is not all of me.

Every year what Kandi is evolves, I can point to that each and every of her six years. This is no different. Keep to myself or small groups. Understand and always remember that no one cares about me, only themselves and on the whole (not everyone) that is true of our society.

I am on a bit of a self imposed Kandi sabbatical right now, you will soon read about a few outings already in the books and we’ll see when I am “feeling it” again. I lost the joy, I hope to get it back.

14 thoughts on “I Tried….

  1. Kandi, we all need a break now and then. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” applies to many aspects of our lives. The joy will return, even if changed in its appearance. You have done so much to support us, we will be here to support you. ❤

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  2. Kandi I’m sorry your struggling with this.
    The times we are in are indeed troubled and we have all been through so much, myself I’m fighting depression but I know there are going to be brighter days ahead.
    Your words and the ways you go about your life have always been so interesting and I know you will find that Kandi energy again
    So chin up and let’s see that Kandi smile
    Love ya Rach

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    1. Rach, Thank you but what you are going through is real and is something I wish I could help with. This, I was pissed, made a decision and am moving on, believe me. I think you know, I have been through far worse, it takes a lot to kill me! Not even close yet!! Love you my dear!!

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  3. re: your supper club-reminds me of our Tri-Ess chapter which slowly fell apart. 1 of the main reasons was that society had quickly become more accepting & there was no longer a reason for us to lean on each other

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  4. I’m sorry to hear about the Supper Club issues. I’m sorry to hear you are so upset. I wish I could do something to help you.
    You are in my prayers.
    Love you.
    Jocelyn

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  5. KANDI DO NOT IVE UP OR GIVE IN. FIND A WARM SPOT IN THE SUN AND LAYOUT ON THE GRASS AND LET ALL THE BAD STUFF FLOW OUT AND FADE AWAY. YOU WILL COME BACK . WE ARE HERE TO ATTEND THE HOMECOMING WITH HUGS AND SMILES GIRL. CARRY ON. MARIE ANNE

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  6. Oh Kandi,

    How do I make you understand that people like are needed in this world! I am so sorry that you are going through something right now. I would hope by now, you know my feelings for you, they are genuine and real. Even through mistakes and missteps I am here for you. I am thankful for our many deep conversation that has built our relationship. I do hope you reconsider the Supper Club down the road. Please look at this set back as a moment to grow and come out a better person. We as humans do not mesh with all other humans. I am always here to talk, listen, and just be with you.

    Much love my friend,
    Betty

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    1. Thanks my great, great friend! I am not going to change, just pick my spots better, that’s all. What bothers me more than anything is that I wasn’t given the benefit of the doubt. But as I said, this was a drip, drip, drip of small inconveniences and annoyances that finally made me realize I was pushing that old rock up a hill again. We’ll still go out, be visible, preach love, but my days as a community organizer are over.

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