How I Explain Myself

When interacting with anyone, no matter the situation, I am 100% open and honest. Obviously, no one thinks I am a woman. I make no secret that I am not Kandi all the time. I make no secret that I am married to a woman, am heterosexual, have grown children. When asked what I do for a living, I tell the (painful) truth. You have to understand, I am Kandi and she is me. In my head, there is no difference. The view from behind my glasses is always the same. Your view, a different story. You can see here I only refer to Kandi in the third person to differentiate her in the context of a story, otherwise she is me and I am her.

When someone tiptoes around asking me a question, as most are very curious, I tell them to ask whatever they wish. I tell them that I cannot be offended. How can I hope to educate people if I don’t entertain questions? And if I am not honest with my answers? I answer any and all questions. I have rarely had anything asked that was borderline inappropriate and when that may have occurred, it was usually in a playful fashion.

It has been quite remarkable to me that generally, people just “get me”. They think “so what”, he’s wearing a dress and she looks pretty good doing it! I get “he” and “she” intermixed quite often, even by those closest to me. It is never done derisively, always with an ease about it. Many naturally refer to me as she, I love that! Those that refer to me as “he” do so with a complete acceptance of how I am dressed and respect me regardless. I do speak in both tone and manner, as a man.

I am by nature a humble person, more like life has humbled me (considerably). Life is not a competition, although many view it that way. We have to love and support each other. While that may not be the way of the world, it is how I try to live my life.

I have many blessings in my life, also many challenges. My purpose in life now is to give, to support those like myself. As well as those suffering, like the cancer patients I support (more like provide any help I can). But I don’t suffer fools well. Whatever I can do to help and support, I am very happy to do so. Treat me unfairly, I will no longer tolerate you.

This was written pre-COVID. It still is true, but of course, everything is different for everyone. I guess I’ve taken my “calling” to the virtual world by trying to bring smiles with my photo shoots while scratching the itch for myself.

This has been a remarkable ride and I am looking forward to what’s next.

That’s me in a big pink bow!

8 thoughts on “How I Explain Myself

  1. Thanks for being you! It has helped me be more open to getting out as Paula. I recently had the store manager at JJill say that I am always welcome there. She also sent me a free gift that included a card saying “Thanks for being you.”


  2. Ever since I got to know you virtually I felt we connected.
    We are close to the same age and we both hid who we were for a long time.
    I still go back and forth with this side of me and I suppose it may always be that way
    But I so appreciate girls like you who are real and just lay it out there.
    Not in your face but just real.
    Thanks for all you do my friend


    1. Wow, the comments today are making my a bit misty. Thanks girls! Rach, yes, we only know each other virtually, but I love you and have a special connection with you. Anyone who says this is ever easy is lying. Yes, I find tremendous joy in it, but there will always be doubt, always.


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