Virus Diary

I figured with the excess downtime, I’d start a bit of a diary here. There won’t necessarily be daily entries, but whatever strikes me on any particular day I’ll blab about.

March 18, 2020 – My wife had to work and I was off, without a car (my second tow in a month). There really wasn’t anywhere to go anyway, as I was stuck home like many of us. My calendar is always full for the current and next two months, it is now almost completely clean. Once my wife headed to work, I vetted a few outfits and came to a decision in doing so. When I try on outfits, my head is all me. No makeup, no wig. I began to look more carefully at how I looked that way. I put together a few different female business suit options and a couple of church outfits. Once this all blows over, I am going to go to my first church service dressed as always, but with no wig. I am also going to attend the next Plexus function the same way. Both friendly venues and both have zero chance of anyone who know me otherwise being there. I’d now like to present myself to prospective employers (most likely in the arts community) as myself (assuming any one will give me the time of day), but dressed as a woman, thereby introducing both of my genders as options for going to work, if that were to occur. It’s easy to be brave now, so we’ll see, but I really believe I’ll do that and not look horrible. Now that salons and barber shops are closed, I may have a long mane by then. But not now. Even if I can get an interview or cup of coffee with someone, that would be a delightful experience. The shame is, it’ll be months before any of that happens, if then. Even if this were to all magically blow over, everyone is going to be so behind, there will be little time for the kind of regular socializing that we did before. 2021 any one?

I painted my toe nails, which had only clear polish on them for the past few months. Then I put on some (workout) leggings and a cute yoga top and worked out in the basement with stretching and core work. I threw one of my marathon tops over that outfit and went for a seven mile run. If I am cooped up for weeks, I’ll be unbelievably sculpted. The balance of the afternoon I wore a cute pair of black leggings, a black and white striped top (which you occasionally see in the header here outside the Rock Hall), some light jewelry and basically relaxed, before flipping back to myself when my wife got home.

I was screwing around online, trying to make a logo for this place (way too much time on my hands). What do you think? I didn’t want to pay for it, so I stopped with this one. I always envisioned using a modified version of the Candyland game logo but can’t figure out how to do that.

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March 19, 2020 -I remember as a child, paging though the Sears’ catalog, particularly the lingerie section, wishing that was me. It pleases me that now I have my own lingerie drawer and wear it daily. It’s become very normal to select my panties for the day and now, during this extra time spent home, picking out the right bra for whatever I am doing that day. A sports bra to work out, a padded bra while home (alone) and then an unpadded bra for the balance of my day. Now standing in front of the mirror, maybe brushing my teeth, only in my lingerie, I can’t describe how it just makes me very happy. Life certainly is strange, what makes us happy, what creates anxiety and in my life, this did both.


A funny story. When I finally decided to become a full, fledged, card carrying crossdresser, I bought a bra, pair of panties and a slip, which I pledged to keep (I’d bought many before, but I purged frequently, almost instantly on many occasions). This was the very first purchase made on the road to finally becoming Kandi. As I was completing my purchase, in complete male mode, the lovely female cashier said how sad it was that women didn’t wear slips anymore. I smiled and thought, neither do men! What this woman saw was simply a customer, a person, not some dude nervously buying lingerie (ill fitting lingerie, as I learned more later about picking the right women’s size to fit my body and the obvious differences I deal with).

I had set up an appointment to drop a bunch of things off at my favorite consignment store the day after this. My friend, who runs the place, called and said they were closing at the end of the day. So I hightailed it across town and got my stuff in there. Obviously, being closed they won’t sell, but at least they have them and will be in inventory when they reopen.

This is a little inside baseball. For you Cleveland gals (I guess that’s only you, Sherry), Designer Consignor (Lakewood) is where I sell things and have my fellow runner friend/owner. Piece Unique (Bainbridge) is where I find the best deals once things have been there for a while and am their runway model and It’s So You (Willoughby) is where I take any visitor to town because they treat me and my guests like royalty.

8 thoughts on “Virus Diary

  1. I too fondly remember looking through the catalogs from Sears and Penny’s and enjoying the lingerie sections and wondering what it would look like and feel like to wear those clothes. One of my early fantasies was to have been left in the local Sears Department store overnight. They had a wig section and makeup and I would have the entire store to myself from shoes to lingerie to dresses, etc. That was a long time ago.

    When I am home these days, especially as we are both locked in due to the virus, I am fully dressed from my neck down. No wig and perhaps a bit of lipstick to go with my dress, bra, hose and heels. I just feels right and comfortable and comforting. I am really liking the idea of breasts 24/7 but I know that these days will pass.

    Like you I have thought of going out without a wig, just with my regular hair, perhaps combed a bit more feminine than the straight back brushing I use in guy mode. There are lots of women out and about with very short hair. I am sure you will lead the way in that regard. You may want to check out Joey’s blog at joeypress.wordpress.com.

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      1. Woo Hoo! I’m famous! 🙂 Kandi, if you start going out in public in pretty clothes with your man-head, you will be in a small community. I have found men who would go out in public dressed in skirts, etc. But eventually, they declare they are transgender and start presenting female. I am not aware of any who transition the other way.

        I’ll tell you, it is freeing. I used to think that I had to present female in order to wear women’s wear in public. One day, it dawned on me that I could pull it off being in public in a skirt as a man. Suddenly, the world opened up for me.

        It is also easy to present male and dress femme. I can change clothes in ten minutes. I can leave work as a dude, change into something pretty, go out to lunch, and change back and finish my day. The only limit is how close to work/home am I willing to be out in public?

        Originally, I was VERY nervous doing something so unusual. I eventually went on some long outings (~5 hours). One cannot stay nervous for that long. I grew comfortable being dressed in public. I started seeing what it was like to be in public dressed while behaving confidently. Confidence puts people at ease. Too much confidence is arrogance, and it makes people hate you… But, confidence seems to say, “Don’t worry, this is not as odd as you think.”

        It’s really not that big of a deal, in my experience.

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      2. Thanks Joey! First off, your comment on confidence is spot on and one of my basic principals (see my posts last week). I am not quite as brave as you. I am only thinking about leaving the wig at home. No way I do this without makeup! I believe I would simply present (not “pass”) like a woman with a short hairdo. I would only do so in familiar territory, like my church. Anyway, it’s moot right now, stuck at home like millions of others. Stay safe and be well!! Thanks for commenting.

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  2. I think most relate to looking at catalogs or newspaper inserts of all the beautiful ladies things.
    Pat I remember thinking I would like to be locked in a store too to be able to try all the clothes on.

    As far as going out without wigs, well this girl has done it more than once and like you would expect I don’t pass wig or not so I’ve found it’s ok especially if your not going to have much interaction and by the way a nice cute ball cap works great too

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