Two Kinds of Happy

As I age, I have come to realize that there are actually two kinds of happiness. For most of my life (except during times of intense stress or difficulty), one would have thought that I was a happy person. And I was, externally happy. My wife has always made me happy. Our children have always (principally) made me happy. Friends and friendships have made me happy. My family, usually, made me happy. Great experiences made me happy. Music made me happy. Sports, until I realized the hopelessness of it where I live and with whom I root for, made me happy. A good meal made me happy. A sunny day made me happy. You get the point. And these things all still make me happy.

The key word here is “made”, made me happy. External stimuli. Things that bring joy INTO our lives. What I didn’t realize, what I hadn’t experienced, what appears obvious but is not, is that one needs to find that place where they ARE happy. Inside. Regardless of the day, situation, weather, happy with themselves. Happy with who they are.

And that finally happened back in October 2014 when I finally admitted who and what I have always been. Then I went about accepting it, figuring out what it all meant, getting my wife’s approval and building myself into someone who could proudly go about her business in the world. Being happy inside made me a better person, a better person to be around, reshaped my world view. The things that generally annoyed me no longer do. Sure, I am far from perfect (very, very far), I don’t float around on a cloud all day. But my days generally are good, not depending on someone or something making them good.

That’s the place we all need to get to. How? Damned if I know. It only took me the bulk of my life to figure that out. But it’s there, out there somewhere, for everyone. Many never find it or circumstances make it difficult or impossible. But it does exist. This blog has helped as it has forced an introspection that I don’t naturally have. I am a bulldozer, plowing through the responsibilities for the day, generally not looking too far out into the distance or considering the big picture. That has made me who I am and in many circumstances, caused me problems as I was blind to road blocks out in front of me.

Happiness. Look for it. God bless you if you can find it. I did, I believe, and will hold on to it as long as I am able. Once you get there, you have to work very hard to stay there. Challenges and struggles will continue, but my ability to fight through them and find the silver lining is now firmly in place.

Looking back at the posts written the past week (plus contributions from some friends), I am very proud of each and every one of them. In my humble opinion or as the kids text nowadays, IMHO, this was a very good week in Kandi’s Land.

6 thoughts on “Two Kinds of Happy

  1. I think we find happiness in goodness. Being good to others builds good karma and leads to happiness. Freeing Kandi to be who she has become was significant. Kandi can simply be a good person to each and everyone she encounters. Sometimes in guy mode we have to crunch things down. We have to fight. We have to beat the next guy. That is part of the evolutionary need to survive and prevail that is part of our genetic makeup.
    When the makeup we wear comes from the cosmetic counter and the male armor is replace by a dress, hose and heels we can shed those ingrained male traits and responsibilities and simply strive to be good in our presentation and good in our dealings with others.
    Ergo goodness leads to happiness. Kandi seems to embody this rather nicely.


  2. Kandi,

    Another winner.. You and Pat are absolutely correct. We have our outer Happy stimulated by external factors and the inner happiness which often more SATISFYING (our true self) – which regardless of presentation at the time is the true GOOD person. PS Kandi Just LOVE the lead off dress – Black Square necked.

    Marie Anne


  3. A long time ago, when I was in my teens, the local PBS channel during fund raising weeks used to show talks by Leo Buscaglia, who talked above love. Buscaglia used to cite an author who survived the holocaust (IIRC, Elie Wiesel) about those even in the direst of circumstances, could still choose their outlook on life, and could choose to be happy.

    Hearing this had a profound effect on me. We CAN choose how to react to situations. I try to choose to enjoy life daily.

    It also meant that although I knew my urges to crossdress, I was ok with that. I was not the only person who had these desires, and I was not guilt stricken or otherwise maladjusted.

    There are people you meet in life who aren’t happy unless they are unhappy. They are always looking for rain clouds. They choose to be unhappy.

    I choose to be happy, regardless of the clothing I am wearing. It’s made all the difference for me. It’s not a male or female trait. It’s a human trait.


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