The following was a portion of a sweet email received from Linda on Thanksgiving:
‘It is certainly not considered mainstream, but it is indeed a gift.’ from today’s post and only recently (Nov 16) ‘There are the moments that I wish it would all go away.’ Such a contrast.
Contrast, yes. But life is not black and white. It is all different shades of grey. Two things in contrast can both be true. I have said this before, said it in many different forums and stand by this statement and will until the day I die/retire, if I could get that “cure”, I would not hesitate to take it. So, now you say, how is it a gift? The actual gift is not all of this. The gift is my acceptance of it (after, in hindsight, almost 50 years of not really liking myself and struggling with this ALL the time) and my ability to make it work in a complicated world. I’ve had the “gift” all my life and it made me miserable for a bulk of that time. Accepting it, finding a way and the people, those are the gifts. If I never had these feelings, would I have been this happy person all along? Would my life have been different? I’ll never know.
We all know that it does not go away but then ‘gifts’ shouldn’t be looked in the mouth? ‘Changed your life’, ‘so many new experiences’, ‘making a difference’, you could go on. We didn’t ask for it, we didn’t want it but we got it and has always been part of us with varying prominence. We just have to learn to live with it and you are doing well while also helping others to do so, something else you otherwise would not have done. We are also one with our feminine persona. She is you and you are her?
I will respectfully disagree, there really is no “she”, although I do use that pronoun. It’s just a better version of me, one unencumbered when out dressed. One freed from self-hate to see things differently. My clothing when out, shapes the way an experience may happen. I’ve had people walk up to me and just ask for a hug when dressed (happened again this past Friday). We all know why (I fool no one, but am very visible). No way, no how that happens if I am dressed as I am for most of my life (male mode). My presentation to the world shapes the experience. However one dresses shapes how you are perceived. I am perceived differently in my running gear than I am in a dress, than I am when out with my wife in a sweater and jeans, than I am in my old crappy clothes at work.
Does this gift make us better people? Better husbands? Make the world go round?
Simply being a happy person makes it much easier to be a “better” person, however you wish to define that. Happiness made me better to be around, the acceptance of all of “this”.
A belated Happy Thanksgiving Linda! I always appreciate you sparking me on a topic, idea, post or thought.