Hiding in Plain Sight

A friend from Virginia recently made the following comment in an e-mail to me:

Its important to think safety when out and dressed as a lady. Only realized this recently. At one time would be in places and times when a normal lady would not be. Thought it was nice to walk along the board walk at mid night. Looking back no lady would have done that. Started to do things and go places in the day time, much more safer.

During our anxious moments, longing to go out, but not knowing how to do so or how to gather the courage, we think that simply being “out”, maybe under the cover of darkness or in isolation is the solution. That is not at all safe! Think about it. If you had a wife or daughter, would you want them alone in a dark place? Late at night? Of course not. Why put yourself in that position, especially when vulnerable? You may think you can defend yourself, but trying doing so in heels or a skirt.

If you feel the need to hide, do so in plain sight. Go into a crowded place, where you are not a focal point. Do so in a well lit area, Go somewhere that you are not known. Anonymity is wonderful! Strange looks, rolled eyes, who cares? Safety is the key. Walk down that boardwalk during the day, when it is crowded. I find the more people in the room, the less I am noticed. It’s a simple math equation.

Think it through. Go to a place where you are more likely to be accepted. An art museum, a community theater, an art studio. A restaurant where the waiter or waitress is looking for a nice tip, so will treat you with respect. Go where you are likely to find more open minded and accepting people. Even a library, where it is unlikely that someone would cause a ruckus. Folks that utilize the library generally respect library etiquette.

Walking the boardwalk at midnight might get you harmed simply because you are alone, not necessarily because of your attire. I personally avoid late night group gatherings simply because if some one is out to harm a TG person, they will go to where many are gathered and alcohol is likely to be involved. Not an art museum at noon.

Be smart……think it through. If you want to go out, then do so, but do it safely.

8 thoughts on “Hiding in Plain Sight

  1. Here is one many would never consider
    As I wrote here not long ago take a cruise.
    Yes it’s fun it’s pretty safe and most likely you will never see those folks again.
    Most cruise lines are LGBTQ friendly and some have meet an greets like the one I did was on.
    I truly enjoyed my time once I got over my bit of anxiety as to what others would think


  2. Yes, the paradox is we don’t want to be noticed, but the safest place is in a large group of people.

    I’ve never had an issue while out, but I do take my presentation into account. Here is my main example.

    As the boy me, I will walk in downtown St. Louis multiple blocks to my car at night after a sporting event, and I’ve never had an issue.

    However, I wanted to go to see U2 in Dee (rock chick) mode, and never once did I consider parking and walking multiple blocks; I took the light rail instead. Taking the train put me in contact with a lot more people (not to mention the 15,000 at the concert), but I felt a lot safer knowing there were lots of people on the train, and therefore I was less likely to have a problem.

    More people was definitely better (not to mention the heels I was wearing meant the shorter the walk, the better).


  3. I walked the neighborhood business district pretty late one time a number of years ago, and a kind gentleman said to me very politely, “Ma’am please be careful this hour of the night!” That was doubly encouraging (I guess I passed, plus he was really looking out for me), but I have not ventured out that late since.


  4. What you have to say makes good sound logical sense. There is a component that is counter intuitive. When out while dressed we tend to want it both ways. We want to be noticed and, at the same time we want to blend into the background. The illogic is that if we are in a place or area with fewer people that there will be fewer people to engage in boorish behavior. Your point that the contrary is true makes sense. In a larger group setting the jerks may just feel that bad behavior will not win the day.


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