For those of you contemplating this road, understand what it takes. This post really shows what goes into all of it! This is one from the vault, reworked for your enjoyment.
So, what does it take me to become Kandi? Quite a bit. First off, I take tremendous pride in my presentation. I want to emulate a woman as best I can. I go out usually two to three times a week and I never go half way. I may dress casually, but I do everything else.
There is first daily maintenance. Eye cream and moisturizer twice a day. Hand lotion daily. I grow a five o’clock shadow pretty easily and try to save my facial shaves for game day. That entails a close shave with a fresh razor. I generally (okay, always) draw blood. Then I grab one of my ladies’ razors and do a bit more in the shower, under hot water. I have to get my brows plucked, tweezed and cleaned up. I used to get my brows waxed periodically at a salon, but days later it was as if I hadn’t, so the cost was not worthwhile. A few times a week I have to trim and clean them up as well as clean up the nose hair. I have removed all of my body hair, but don’t you know….it keeps coming back. I’ll do a full body shave three times a week. I LOVE being shaved, I HATE shaving. I have allowed my nails to grow, so they need maintained periodically.
That’s the ongoing work, in addition to my daily runs, which feeds both the male and female parts of me. These are vital to my figure and therefore my overall appearance.
When it’s time to go out, more work ensues. What eyewear will I be wearing? If contacts, those have to go in and get comfortable (not always easy). I moved away from contacts as they always at some point in an outing became uncomfortable (I never wear them otherwise, too uncomfortable).
I need a good shower with any touch up work depending, on my attire. Sleeveless, then the arms get touched up. I cannot tell you the state of nirvana I achieve when wearing a sundress, but the work……
Dry off and get into my lingerie. Make sure I like how certain parts look (use your imagination). Then it’s either make up time or I get partially dressed so as not to ruin my makeup later by pulling something over my face. Primer, beard cover, loose powder, foundation, finishing powder, highlighter, blush and contour. Brow pencil, eye shadow, eye liner and mascara. Lip liner and lipstick. Finish getting dressed. Nail polish (I use clear often, it dries quicker and sometimes I keep it on afterward) unless I did so beforehand with a specific color, which itself takes about 20 minutes. Place the wig on (followed by the giant smile) and get the hair right. Earrings, rings, necklace and bracelets. Shoes. Select and pack the purse. Now take it all in, make any adjustments and then it’s time to document everything. I always take a number if close up selfies and then some posed distance selfies to get the entire outfit. With my poor eyesight, this is often a guessing game and I am sometime disappointed with the results of the pictures later.
Now I have to case the neighborhood for the ease of escape. I have one cardinal rule; thou shalt not embarrass thy wife! So I make sure I am not seen. The challenge though, is that we live at the very end of a cul-de-sac. No option as to which way to proceed down the street. Once I head out, if someone comes down the street, surprise! If folks are out, I have to throw on a sweat jacket, remove the wig, wear a hat and speed off to reassemble somewhere else before driving to my destination (usually about a half hour from home).
Now that I see it all on paper, what am I doing? Is it worth it? So far, absolutely! I’ve gotten pretty good at all of this, but it is still worth it. I’ve said this before, if I were to get dressed, go somewhere that I usually do and then turned around and immediately came home and cleaned up, you would probably be looking at at least three and a half hours of time. That doesn’t count the wardrobe management and the assembly of the outfit for any given outing.
A personal update without providing my name, rank and serial number: The issue I have alluded to has been settled for the time being. On a scale of 1 to 10, it ended up being about a 7 in my favor. I’m not out of the woods, but in a much, much better place. What a relief!