By Marie Anne Greene
Have been reviewing and mulling over the creation and evolution of Marie, Marie Anne and her more sophisticated alter ego – Marie Anne Veronique, and the various benchmarks along this journey of femininity. I do not know where this writing effort will wander nor do I know where or how this Vignette will end, however I do hope you will find it interesting and enjoyable.
Suspect it began before I was born and possibly even before I was conceived. Perhaps all of this mix of genes and multitudes (millions) of cells, various chemicals and the composition of the male sperm and the female embryo were not perfectly balanced – that is pure male or pure female – and had created a slightly off-perfection combination of “ingredients” that culminated in me.
My recollections are mixed about when I suspected I was not all male or should say had some female hiding in my inner core. My first positive but fearful incident occurred at age 13 or 14 when one day I discovered my nipples were suddenly hard and sore and had a pronounced bud of perhaps a quarter sized diameter which was tender to the touch. Was terrified – am I turning into a girl? After a week or so all the sensations and buds receded and life continued more or less normal at least to the outside world, although several times, perhaps three, during my teen years when the opportunity to try on female attire presented itself, I could not resist the temptation and briefly succumbed.
Each experience was a combination of exhilaration and terror of doing something that was “wrong” and at the possibility of being “caught”. The first real “adventure” came after I was married and my bride needed a “female dance partner” for a Ladies Charity event and her cousin who was supposed to be the “partner” had injured her ankle and would not recover in time. So, the two of them undertook the challenge of creating a substitute from the resources that were available – Me! They dubbed the new GIRL “Angie”. All went well and afterwards my bride said now that I had experienced being a “Girl” and learned some of the tribulations that women went through, I would appreciate her even more than I did.
It was several decades later after the children were adults and I had risen within the business company to a position which warranted several of days of travel to trade shows and conferences every few months. My remembrance of that “Dance Partner” experience and free reign of the always nearby “Shopping Malls” which were for the most part dominated by displays of women’s clothes of all varieties sparked something internal. I became envious of the displays but was again terrified of doing “something wrong or at least strange” until I happen to see two movies which highlighted men in the role of women quite convincingly. This came as a cap on the many movies which impacted my feminine imaging.
The first star was sultry Veronica Lake of the blonde hair over one eye. Others ranged from Debby Reynolds (who I was privileged to meet when I was 16). Other ladies of the Silver Screen were: Tipi Hendrick, Deborah Kerr, Jane Seymour, and Catherine Deneuve, Doris Day and many others. However, it was the two movies with the males presenting as females that decided my decision to experiment and it was not the comedy farce “Some Like it Hot” with Tony Curtis and John Lemmon.
From then on whenever on a long “Solo” business trip, I would try and capture the look of a female character I had recently seen in the movies or on TV. Essentially, these adventures were “One or two-night stands” and confined to the hotel room and the balcony if, the room had one. However, was very content with my appearance and but still feeling scared, and at the same time proud of my image but more so feeling unfulfilled by not being able to openly enter the outside world in my female persona.
Feeling brave and a little adventurous, would occasionally walk the hallway in my heels to the soda/ice machine and or the elevator area where most of the time there were nice floor length mirrors just right for a “Girl” to check herself out before heading out for a night of glamour. Of course, there was the drawback of the “purging” all the feminine goodies before heading home. On the other hand, although I lamented having to jettison all the delicacies my sorrow was offset by the realization that a “new” outfit was on the horizon in a few months or a year. During all these excursions, I knew I was just a guy with a taste for female clothes and a pension for makeup and at the time did not have a permanent female or feminine persona.
It was not until, shortly after my bride passed away and I was left alone with 16 acres of land, two horses and a 200-year-old Plantation house full of antiques, that all these “girl” memories came back and the scent of lavender and other feminine hints began to come to the fore in my evening hours when the day’s jobs and all the chores were done and I found I had free time and some “disposal” income, essentially a first in my life.
I was in a limbo status for about four years waiting for a buyer of the property. In the meantime, I was free and could, theoretically do what I wanted or desired to do. After six-seven months church friends started trying to pair me with various lady friends. This eventually led to four such attempts – The first needed and wanted a friend but no permanent partner. (We are still very good friends.) The next several were quickly “foul Balls”. The fourth after two months showed herself to a true “Good Digger” and after sieving off a sizeable amount of my resources determined I did not have enough to satisfy her “Haught” standards.
Finally, until a buyer was found and the property, horses and equipment were sold. Now I was truly free with an open road ahead. Hit the road for a year and eventually returned to the area and purchased a single-family standalone house with two-bedroom suites, one of which had been set up by the previous owner for a female resident and the other a male occupant. Did not take me long to recognize the potential for a dual personality lifestyle (at least on a part-time basis). Proceeded to buy and further enhanced the décor of the “female” bedroom suite. This included female artwork and floral arrangements.
Once the decision was made and settled into the neighborhood and confirmed the neighborhood and the placement of the house provided a high degree of privacy and although all of the neighbors were friendly none were busybodies. Each had their own lives to pursue. With all these facts in place, decided to explore my here-to fore hidden and suppressed femininity.
Began this journey with the purchase of two slim-lined dresses and a set of matching lingerie, hose, heels and a beautiful blonde shoulder length crown. Basic cosmetics followed – lipstick, mascara, eye liner, foundation and powder plus perfume. Had to add a hair remover to rid my lower arms and chest of the tell-tale male hair. Over time I added to this collective assembly of femininity and simultaneously sought out advice on how to be the best Girl-Woman I could be. Was very, very lucky and found a great “Girl-Guide”. She was and is a wonder in many fields from style, deportment and cosmetics and most of all understanding and support. One of our first challenges was the selection of a proper name for the emerging female persona. The selection was initially totally mine. This was not the first time I considered the selection going to the level of writing out several candidate names during some of my previous trips in the privacy of the hotel room.
Considered several exotic options but recognized although great for my female ego they might attract too much attention. Wanted a name that connoted a female without attracting unusual attention or questions – selected Marie and was very comfortable with the name and it quickly became mine. At this point my GIRL Gide suggested we add a middle or second name. Another plus, selected Anne. Thus, Marie Anne became my female persona as I added the family name of “Greene” with an “E” to complete the total identifier. Female and slightly unique but easily acceptable in all circumstances.
During the subsequent months my Guide was to be the first of a small diverse group of women that welcomed me into their exclusive sorority. These included a lady barber/hair dresser, a make-up consultant, a dress maker, a cosmetic nurse. Each became an understanding and accepting friend. Our dialogs quickly became Girl to Girl chats with a mutual and relaxed exchange of thoughts, feelings, cares and aspirations. Was hopeful this small cadre would slowly expand. A few more female friends would be a wonderful treat.
Now back to another lane in this road. Recognizing that Marie will not be able to attain the ultimate goal of a fully physically functioning female, there is much to be enjoyed short of this goal and can still experience many of these small pleasures on the way or have even succeed in attaining many to some exquisite degree throughout this journey. Externally have acquired a female wardrobe for all seasons and moods and am quite comfortable in any and all, although a Girl will always go for something new and expressive of her inner self.
There is no closet large enough to accommodate it all although fashion dictates a seemingly endless degree of “mirror, sensuous, flirtatious and emotionally self-fulfilling options to dress, dream and experiment”. However, once no longer surrounded by the framework of a full-time job and family and lack one of those time-consuming hobbies such as the Golf-Course, we must find another outlet. In the case of Marie Anne, the development of the Tasi’s TALL GAL persona as an augmenting aspect of Marie Anne Veronique (one of my early exotic choices which was too exotic for everyday use) was a welcoming and warning outlet for both my writing skills, telling of adventures and cultivating a few more friends and new experiences.
My fashion sense must be somewhat innate as it came without a challenge or special training. My Girl Guide primed the pump, so to speak, when she began referring to Marie as her “Little Fashionista”. In retrospect, it was all those trips through Malls and a variety of Movies, TV shows and of course working in Metropolitan areas as both a teenager and mature man where the surrounding women daily dressed stylishly, and visiting upscale department stores and specialty stores with my spouse who was both a highly successful Interior Designer and as well as a well attired business woman. Of course, living in a house for more than twenty years surrounded by four females (wife and three girls) had to have some effect on my appreciation for female attire and some of the tricks of the specie.
During the course of Marie’s adventures and daily lifestyle, I have intentionally or accidently evolved, as Marie Anne became more and more of my waking and napping life style. As this has occurred have noticed am much more aware of the meaning of the Feminine Mystic and all the little tells and mannerisms and wonderful feelings with the multiple (hundreds) of body movements that are now automatic and joyous as Marie continues to evolve.
Some of these may have been prompted by my early daily intake of a little blue Estrogen pill but cannot clinically affirm any significant changes to this part of my experiment. If so, they are induced a possible modification or balance in the male/female aspect of the brain. Do not know. Probably the first and openly evident to me, at least, was my ability when composing 70 plus Marie Vignettes to frame and convey these stories as if written by a woman rather than the cut and dry fact- based writing of a male as I had done throughout my previous business career. Have detected a far greater flow and smoother ease of descriptive adjectives and style as found in novels composed by female authors. Belief this is a hallmark of these Vignettes and plan to continue and nurture Marie Anne Veronique story telling style skills.
During Marie’s evolution went from the early days of buying a “girl costume” for a stage play or production to the acquisition of “my wardrobe”. That perfect dress, a “must have” piece of jewelry was now viewed as “mine”. Marie was no longer an actor or player on stage. She is an integral and natural part of my female universe, at least on an internal, mental and emotional basis.
Overtime, noticed another change in the perspective of value when adding “ingredients” to my ever-growing wardrobe and world of Marie Anne. This “change” came to be noted with the selection and careful care given to handling and sense of ownership of these items including dresses, skirts, blouses, tops, jewelry, lingerie shoes, coats, purses, footwear and daily facial and skin care. Also, was the parallel of enhancing Marie’s “Boudoir” and dressing area to convey a greater feminine aurora.
Was no longer a man who periodically wore a dress as part of a sham presentation but was a female with all the feminine feelings and concerns and special sense of style and lady-like decorum at least at an ever-increasing level of feminine attainment. Marine Anne was now totally comfortable being just “Marie” with the girls all the way to being Marie Anne in a more formal setting of sophistication just waiting to be “Veronique”, the romantic female persona which will never be reached except perhaps in a future literary effort.
Jewelry is now part of Marie persona, particularly a White Diamond engagement ring, almost a permanent fixture on left hand, as well a silver bracelet and matching earrings to complete an outfit or enhance a special mood and image that are now a part of Marie Anne’s ever evolving Persona.
Each of these acquisitions was a small crystal that became part of the inner femininity that is Marie Anne. Each building on the previous and adding to the overall Persona. Each was/is another small step toward to the fulfillment of femininity and added to mental and emotional components and the coming together to bring Marie to a greater sense of satisfaction.