Time for some reheated Saturday leftovers……
Yes, I am certainly blessed, given that I am a crossdresser. I’ve said this before and I mean it, despite the joy I have found in Kandi, if this were “curable”, I’d be the first in line for that “cure”. No doubt for me, being Kandi is a joyful experience. And while I have learned so much about humanity, so much about myself, it does add a layer of complication to life that I could do without.
Many comment to me, both publicly and privately, that I appear to be living a dream life, pass well and have it great. While I have certainly found a way to make the absolute most of who and what I am, I still frequently have my “WTF” moments. Those moments are usually dissipated by placing that wig on (usually the final part of my preparation) and seeing that smile broadly spread across my face. Or a warm greeting from a stranger or a friend. All of a sudden I realize the happiness this brings me. That may well be due to the fact that I now accept who I am, than it is to what I am doing. With the inner turmoil gone, I can see life differently now, through rose colored glasses instead of dark shades.
As I recently posted I do photograph fairly well, usually from a distance, posing to look as good as I can, as feminine as I can. But in no circumstance, not one single person, has ever mistaken me for a woman. Never. Ever. But I have done well to make that a nonissue.
It bothers me to keep this part of me secret from so many people, friends, children, family and many others. But life is just easier without complicating it with those that I love. I cherish my relationship with my children. Would they reject me if they knew? Probably not, but just as I have no interest in being my wife’s girl friend, I have no interest in my children knowing me as anyone but their “father”, the male figure in their entire lives. Would my friends reject me? Some might, most probably not. But it would certainly change the dynamic of the situation, especially since most relationships I have with my male friends have a component of sarcasm to them.
The time spent on Kandi has killed the time I used to spend on other things like reading, heavier training and/or time spent with friends. It now takes me months to get through a book now, when I used to read one a week. I know I don’t arrange as many things to do with my friends as I used to. I run daily, but in my neighborhood, while I would enjoy traveling around the area to run in the parks, downtown, etc. Running and Kandi time are huge time sponges. Love them both….
So is my life a bed of roses, so to speak? Absolutely not. But given the cards I was dealt, I’ve done pretty well with them so far. Life is certainly never boring, is it?