It Just Keeps Getting Better and Better

The very next day following the meeting to start the Courtney Jones Care and Cure Foundation, I had a meeting with The Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation. They have a gala, you know I love working galas, so I reached out. I always want to introduce myself in advance of anything so there are no surprises. I do not wish to ever make anyone uncomfortable, nor do I want put myself in an uncomfortable situation (be smart). I met with a spectacularly delightful young lady, Amy.

I will not do any justice in describing the instant connection. She immediately got me. We talked, shared, she had questions, I answered them all. Not only was she beautiful, both inside and out, but we share the passion for running and had quite a few commonalities despite my being from the Paleozoic era. Our world views are very similar. We talked for well over an hour and it seemed like five minutes. I am very much looking forward to my involvement with this organization. Amy is getting married soon (ironically enough with a reception at The Cleveland Museum of Art), so she shared photos with me of her dress and some of the wedding decorations. I am not sure anyone has made me feel anymore like I was a woman in terms of how we interacted. It was fluid and natural from the very start.

Taking chances, reaching out, putting myself out there, have all reaped huge benefits to me. It’s quite remarkable. I tried to explain to Amy about my uniqueness. Not that I am male and dress and comport myself as a woman, but that what Kandi has become, this completely accepted person who people are drawn to, not something I am used to being. But this is what is happening. It’s some type of magnetism that being Kandi has given me. An energy of positivity exudes from me (where the hell was that the first 50 years of my life?) and is contagious. You’ll see more examples of this in upcoming posts.

I again went very casual on a 90+ degree day, with a jean skirt and my Cleveland Museum of Art (the irony again) t-shirt. I thought I did alright…..

Not to sound too arrogant, but I thought I was pretty damn cute in these pictures! Just sayin’……


Be Confident

Rule no. 3 and the absolute key to my success!

There is a saying, a smile is the prettiest thing you can wear!  Confidence, pride in yourself, happiness, that smile.  It disarms people who might otherwise have an issue.  It lights up those that have empathy and/or great respect for you (believe it or not, many do).  It is a magnet for positivity.  Nothing, in really any thing we do in life, bodes well for you more than confidence.

You and I can dress about the same.  If I am confident and you are acting nervous, I will generally blend, be accepted.  Your nervousness will make those around you nervous about you.  Think about it.  In any phase of life, those with confidence, whether earned or simply exhibited, are or become successful.

My rules work.  They are battle tested.  Think about it, I don’t put myself in questionable situations (smart), I dress myself in such a fashion, stylishly, that doesn’t draw unnecessary negative attention (appropriate) and I own it, unequivocally (confident).  Time after time, witness after witness (Sherry, Dee, Rhonda, among others), confidence, which breeds an ease about me when dressed, has been the biggest part of my success in going out.

I’ve told this story before (but not sure where).  I volunteered for my first chorus fundraiser, probably four years ago.  There was a table there purchased by a CD support group.  I was there, having a blast, in my pink dress.  Someone from the support group introduced herself and asked me how I was so comfortable.  While I was nice and said supportive things, in my head I wondered what was wrong with this lunatic!  She was dressed well from the neck to her toes, but her head….five o’clock shadow and her wig pulled up over her face rendering her as Cousin It!  Really?  A significant lack of confidence or really any amount of common sense.

Own it!  You have every right to be out, to dress as you wish, to be respected as any other human being.  You do and you need to project that.  People mirror back what they see frequently.  Be confident, it means so much!

Getting In On The Ground Floor

This is Courtney Jones. Courtney passed away from leukemia in April 2018. She was (I believe) eleven. This is a self portrait.

Back in May I worked an event for The Littlest Heroes, a cancer charity. There I met a spectacular human being, Alisha, Courtney’s mother. Almost instantly we developed a connection and I told her I would help her in anyway possible. On this day, I was invited to an organizational meeting at her home to begin building the Courtney Jones Care and Cure Foundation. I have offered to serve as the volunteer coordinator.

What this woman is doing and her vision is incredible. There were probably twenty people there, all willing supporters and contributors to the cause. We went over Alisha’s agenda and began laying the groundwork for something special.

On a personal note, I was beyond honored to be there. There were mostly woman there, race was a nonissue (as of course it should be everywhere, all the time). We were just a bunch of people that love and support Alisha and bonded over this. My “uniqueness” could not have been less of an issue. Oh yeah, I was about three miles from our home. I was universally accepted, who and what I am just didn’t matter other than I was one of the ladies there to help. There isn’t much more to report. The meeting took a few hours, Alisha fed everyone and we were all energized to help. The world is full of amazing people and I am blessed to be associated with so many of them!

Much less important, but a regular feature here, this was my outfit for the evening. Very casual with a pair of my new Charming Charlie’s earrings. After my recent Charlie’s haul, they filed bankruptcy. Very sad. Brick and mortar retail continues to disappear.

I am thrilled to be a part of this organization. When Alisha showed us the logo, after having shared the self portrait, the tears welled up as you can imagine.

Out With a Friend

By Tina Davis

After my leg was broken back in January in a car accident, I was unable to dress for many weeks. I did start to dress in my house once I was a little more mobile, but was not able to get out as I was not cleared to drive until mid-April. Then my unaccepting wife lost her job and was at home, so no opportunities there until she landed a new contract position in mid-June. I was free to dress at home again when I had physical therapy in the morning and worked from home.

But I still had no chances to get out into the world until late June, when the stars aligned for me. I had a company event, but I contacted a CD friend who has generously taken deliveries for me of some things I have ordered online. She was holding a dress that I had ordered before Christmas, along with a new order of shoes, a skirt, and a silver watch. We made plans to meet in a somewhat new plaza south of Boston that is about equal distance for both of us. I had issues with the subway and the traffic, but I was able to get to a spot where I changed into a sleeveless striped top, skinny jeans, and light blue sneakers, put my makeup and wig on, and then drove to the plaza.

We sat outside on a low stone wall and talked for a while – she is hesitant about being out and is getting more used to it each time. She actually felt okay being out in the daylight, and we enjoyed being two women just sitting and talking. We took a selfie of the two of us, but I cropped it to just me. It was so peaceful and wonderful and exhilarating all at the same time! We both wished it could last a while longer, but we said our goodbyes with a hug. I changed back to male mode and drove home.

Today, I put the same outfit on again to get the full-length shots and felt very cute and wishing I could go out again. My friend and I will make plans for another outing soon, I am looking forward to it as the rest of my summer will be quite busy.
Hugs, Tina

Travels With Cassidy

By My Friend, Cassidy

My name is Cassidy and I am a steady follower of this blog. I asked Kandi if she would be receptive if I offered up a summary of my two trips for her blog. I’ll not call them vacations but more along the lines of escapes from the everyday things I’ve never done before and probably will not do in the foreseeable future. Before I discuss the adventures I believe I should start out by outlining how Kandi and I met. I frequent a site, I recall seeing a picture post Kandi put up to which I commented via a PM. The PMs morphed into an exchange of e-mail addresses and telephone numbers. We communicate almost daily and chat about nearly everything. Kandi could put in the exact dates if she wishes [if she could remember]. At the end of the day we became fast friends via electronica and we do plan to meet in person one day possibly during one of my annual trip out to Pittsburgh International Raceway.

So on with the show so to speak.

Annually, I would say for the last ten years I’ve been driving down to visit a friend and her life mate at their farm in the Charlotte, North Carolina area. In what seems like a life time ago she and I at one time worked together. We found we had a great deal in common and remained friends long after we both found happier places to earn a living. The farm is quite a departure from my suburban tract house as it is nearly 100 years old and for the most part shows its age especially when it comes to electrical outlets. They are vegetarian and grow most of their food so when I visit there I, by extension become one as well.

In addition to growing fruits and vegetables, my friend’s life mate makes hand crafted wine from any and everything except grapes. It wouldn’t be North Carolina without a still to make moon shine, very good moon shine. I mean very, very good “sippin’ whiskey”. While I was there her life mate and I made plum wine. It is now aging away and ready for me when I return there next year. New this year was brownies made with a different ingredient if you get my drift. (Wink, wink, nod, nod.) More on that a bit later.

There are many reasons I visit there. One of which is my friend seems to always find new things that interest her in a mental, spiritual and physical way and the good thing about the visits is I get to tag along and some of her new interests find a home with me as well. I became a student of Zen and Tao because of her. Another reason is she takes me to, by far and away, the most massive and unique antique malls where I can shop for any number of things.

On one of my trips down she and I had a cathartic moment where she confessed certain things to me and in return I disclosed my passion for cross dressing. She is quite okay with me dressing and has seen many pictures of me dressed from my various makeover/photo shoots. She is a great shopping companion and has a terrific eye for clothing, jewelry, shoes, boots, and accessories including hats and scarves. The one caveat is I don’t dress when her life mate is present. Fair is fair and I am quite okay with that as going to visit there is not an excuse to dress.

One of the days of my visit she and I went to two antique malls. When I go to places like this my main goal is to track down cast iron cook ware. I have an extensive collection and use it regularly when both my wife and I cook. Sure I could go out and buy new modern items however the old stuff is cast differently and the quality of the metal is much, much better. Plus it is heavy in weight. The really good cast iron is cast from iron ore from Australia as it has a higher natural nickel content.

As we passed by numbered stall after numbered stall I found a cast iron 10 inch fry pan with a grill bottom. It was a bit rusty however I learned how to re-season cast iron so it was not an issue. At another stall I found a cast iron roasting pan that featured a double top meaning one side was a flat surface while the other was yet another grill top. Love, love, love it.

At yet another stall I scored two outfits, both vintage. One a turquoise calf length cocktail dress with plunging neck line and the other a red trimmed with gold calf length skirt suit that could be worn with or without a blouse. Both very 1970’s. There aren’t any changing rooms available in this place so to try it on for fit it is an over the clothes ordeal. I have seen women do it all the time and I’ve seen my friend do it so now I too do it. No big deal and who cares really. Oh my friend scored some things too.

Onward we shopped. Once again luck was on my side. I had been searching for an inexpensive tour pack to place on one of my motorcycles. Bottom feeder that I am I don’t want to pay big bucks for a new one and the used ones I’ve found the sellers think they have gold or are in rough shape. In one stall there was in and amongst various other items a tour pack that would fit my needs beautifully. The price was outstandingly cheap. Plus it had all of the mounting hardware with it. (It was a very easy install.)

We made our way to the checkout counter. We separated our purchases with the help of I believe the manager of the premise. As he was emptying the cart he places the dress and the skirt suit in my friend’s pile. I say no this one, my pile the one with the cast iron cook ware and the tour pack. He looks at me and then says the dress would look good on me while I’m cooking a meal with the cast iron cook ware. My response was I sure hope so. He goes on. I also bet you would look great riding your motorcycle with the tour pack on it wearing the red suit. I say yeah the suit matches the color of one of my bikes and I have shoes to go with the suit at home. He then says I’m sorry, you do know I’m joking with you. I say I know and it was fun exchanging remarks with you. Had I raised an issue with his joking I don’t believe it would have stayed light hearted. What I have learned over the years is to just go with the joking. This method has served me well over the years. Be truthful as no one will believe it anyway.  At the end of the day it was a successful few hours shopping at this antique mall. We were not as lucky at the second one.

My stay included a Sunday so it was off to church. I’m not a church person however my friend converted to Orthodox Russian. Having never been to a Russian Orthodox service I was quite receptive of going. Well anyway the service lasted three hours. From what I understand the usual Sunday service consumes about 90 minutes however it was the first Sunday of Pentecost so tack on an additional 90 minutes. Lots of incense burning, singing, and chanting going on entirely in Russian. I imagine it is in the manner of Old Russian and not the modern day language. What really surprised me was the altar wine. Okay I know they are not going to use a fine Merlot or Chianti but Manishevitz? Nothing against said wine however it did take me by surprise. Much to my disappointment we didn’t stay for the pig roast to commemorate the arrival of the Pentecostal season. Remember my friend is vegetarian. Man oh man did that whole roasted pig look good.

That Sunday evening was the night of the full moon so my friend organized a drum circle to celebrate the moon. She invited a number of friends that included a Native American couple. Part of the ceremony was burning of spices to cleanse the body mind and soul. I am now cleansed.

Another new interest my friend took on, in addition to spinning and naturally dying wool and cotton and experimenting with tie dying a half dozen t-shirts with and for me as well  as a long sleeve maxi and a caftan was learning to dance the Argentine Tango. All the years I know her she has been involved in some form of dance be it Middle Eastern, hoops, both flaming and non, and dancing with a live snake. At the drum circle she danced with a flaming hoop under the light of the full moon. No participation on my part.

Monday evening was Tango lessons and practice dancing, so it was off to a dance club. After a little over an hour lesson I am now able to make it through a Tango without crippling my partner. The fun part was I got to dance the male and female parts. My next goal with this Tango dancing is to dance the woman’s parts with a long stemmed rose in my mouth to the tune ‘Hernando’s Hideaway.’

We stopped at a Good Will as my friend was in search of some cool things to wear while dancing the tango. I learned that there are certain items to wear that accent the movements of the dance. One such item my friend favors is a below the knee pencil skirt. My preference would be to wear something a bit more flowing. (Check You Tube). She found items that suited her need as did I. As mentioned I don’t dress in front of her life mate however I did want to buy something I could wear while making the 600 mile drive back home. It has become a bit of a tradition for me to buy something to wear for the trip home. I found a beautiful floral print maxi that would suit my needs perfectly. I travel with a separate bag containing my under garments, forms, pads, wig, jewelry and sandals as one never knows when there will be an opportunity to dress. Oh yes, lip stick. When all else fails, thank god for lip stick.

As I was combing the racks I found an absolutely gorgeous, again floral strapless corset back evening gown complete with a bit of a train, made in France by the way. The label read size 14 US which would ordinarily fit me. I never leave home without a tape measure. As I was measuring the dress at the bust line a woman comes up to me and says the dress is gorgeous and said she loved the colors. I suggest she try it on and if it fits she is welcome to it. She takes it after thanking me profusely and then after a bit goes into one of the changing rooms. I was looking at something else when she comes to me and says it didn’t fit and I could have it back. She then goes onto explain why the dress didn’t fit her as her hips were too big for the dress. I smile and then say I really don’t have that issue so it should fit me perfectly. Since the dress features a corset back it really did fit me perfectly. We again chatted when I exited the changing room. She said ‘well.’ I smiled and then nodded my head in the affirmative. She returned a smile. A very easy going interaction I must say.

Earlier I mentioned brownies with a certain ingredient added. Okay it has been a long, long time since I partook in the enjoyment of such an ingredient. My friend’s life mate suggested I eat one whole one inch square one. I instead ate half of one. When it worked its way through my system it hit me really hard. I haven’t been that stoned since my college years and they are well back in my rear view mirror. I spent the remainder of the day stretched out across the bed totally useless.

Before heading home I got my ‘travel outfit’ ready. After leaving the farm and before entering the four lane high way I stopped to fuel up at a gas station/convenience store featuring detached rest rooms. I entered one, changed and then walked back to my vehicle to drive home.

It is always a good trip for me when I go to the farm. Yes ‘trip’ has a bit of a double meaning to it this time around. Word of caution, beware of medical grade ingredients. My encounter with the store manager and the lady at the Good Will added to the enjoyment. Sure I would have loved to have worn the maxi during the drum circle and the Tango lesson and dancing but it wasn’t to be. Kandi has her three keys to going out. With her permission I would like to add, ‘be respectful of others’ [amen].

There is a part two. Hopefully Kandi will want to add it to her blog as well [she will]. Perhaps Kandi’s other followers would like to see the part two and maybe more [bring it on!].

Be well everyone,


Cass help normalize all of this for me early on and I’ll never forget that.

You may have noticed an increase in posts by someone other than yours truly. That pleases me greatly and I hope to continue the trend. The truth of the matter is that generally posts by others out draw my posts in terms of interest. Ladies, the forum is all yours! If you want to make a point, tell a story or share an experience, please feel free to use this platform. No need for pictures if that’s what you prefer. You can even do so anonymously. We all know my blathering is boring and only with a diversity of view points and opinions does this place really work. Thanks all!! Tina checks in tomorrow……

A Slice of Pink and Blue


Compiled By Marie Anne Greene


There are probably more than 2500 conferences conducted in the United States in any given year.  The topics range from Climate Change to Space Research and Religious Discussions.  Regardless of the subject matter or where the convocation is held or the overt composition of the attendees or the percentages of various ethnic, or economic groupings, there are other smaller individual and invisible representations of other segments of society.

This particular essay attempts to capture and present a realistic and representative description of one of these small segments of society, the Male to Female Femulator – previously referred to as Transvestites or Cross-Dressers.  In the authors opinion, these terms do not accurately or completely describe the multitude of men, who down through the ages from the times of the Egyptian Pharaoh’s, have chosen to dress in women’s style of clothing upon occasion or as their normal mode of attire. Examples go back into recorded history at least as far as the reign of the Egyptian Pharaohs and some African dynasties.

The balance of this article (more of an exploration) is based on the experiences of more than half a dozen of modern males who are living in this modern bifactor world (largely on a part-time basis) while discharging all the responsibilities and obligations that society expects (in some cases demands) of the adult male.  Yes! The adult male.  These are not the experimental excursions that may have occurred in the teen age and earlier years of the male. 

Often these earlier mini-excursions into the world of the female were undertaken out of a sense of inner curiosity and forbidden adventure.  Generally, the number of these excursions decreased and the time gap between events increased as the male moved into a position of adult responsibility which typically involved job and family responsibilities. These responsibilities steadily increased and spanned their next 20-30 years and precluded any degree of regular adventures in Femulating -that is seeking to experience, and imitate the dress, mannerisms, social behavior and interactions of the his (her) inner femininity with genetic women, on a women-to-women basis.

However, there were/are numerous restraints on these emotional, phycological and physical desires including personal embarrassment, loss of a job, shame in the local community, and breakup and damage to the family, the relationship with a spouse, any children, other relatives and long-term friends and possibly previous classmates or career associates. 

One small but very gratifying exception to this societal situation is the loving spouse who accepts and recognizes this aspect of their partner.  Most spouses do not recognize this need and/or are reluctant to accept a revelation of this profound nature which for the most part, places their spouse (the Femulator) in the position of maintaining this “forbidden: portion of their personality and emotional needs hidden.

The modern Femulator is not typical of what the terms “Transvestite or Drag Queen” meant in the public perception of the past which often connoted a deviation from the “Norm”.  Today’s Femulator is normal in all aspects of life and society and who have fully accepted the responsibilities of the typical adult male.  For the purpose of this exploratory essay, the author suggests the period of the typical male responsibility – career, marriage, community and family – cover a period of 25-30-35 years.  Another way of describing this period is a period of self-imposed “absentness”, that is knowingly suppressing/foregoing the desire to Femulate for the reasons cited previous.

Another possible factor in this period of “multi-responsibility”, is the feeling of accomplishment from his career progress and success, a happy family and generally feeling of self-satisfaction and self-worth.  Another factor that could impact this period and is the normal decline is the vibrance of masculine hormones.  Conceivably as the masculine part of our hormonal balance declines conceivably the formerly “dormant” female hormones-estrogen combination may engender a resurgent of the inner femininity.  Following these possibilities, the feminine aspects of his composition may be unleased, and in some ways reflect a desire to regain some degree of inner self-contentment by allowing this other aspect of his humanness to emerge, learn, grow, mature and seek to be accepted as a “woman”.

At this point please let the author introduce several sayings which may go straight to the core of the inner soul of the contemporary Femulator. 

The first Quote which may assist in clarifying the Femulator’s personal attitude in life’s journey was penned by Frances (Evelyn) Lear, a noted writer and women’s advocate.

“I believe the second half if one’s life is meant to be better than the first half.  The first half is finding out how you do it.  The second half is enjoying it.”

 A corollary to this opinion is one offered by Rhonda Williams in her noted BLOG.  “Femulate Org.”

“It is never too late to be what you might have been”.

Another opinion, this offered by a hair dresser friend of the author tells another aspect of life to live by.

“Be your own kind of beautiful”.

Lastly, another quote, author unknow is:

“Each moment spent as a Woman is a moment to cherish”.

At this point in the discussion it may be appropriate to attempt to catalogue (or at least list) some of the rationales’ that may motivate the typical (if there is such a person) Femulator.


This list of more than two dozen observations is relatively extensive and encompassing, HOWEVER it is not complete nor presented in anything like a priority order.  Hope a few of the observations will ring true to you Dear Reader and will tickle your feminine fancy.  Let’s Begin !

A Femulator is seeking to express and feel her inner and outer femininity in a fun but respectful homage to the human female in as many ways and modes as she can image with absolutely no thought as to her biological structure.

A Femulator is expressing her inner femininity, which is has been previously suppressed.  This suppression is dictated by our society and culture and more so by the circumstances that she finds herself surrounded by in the everyday world.

A Femulator is proud, if only within herself, of her femininity and seeks to be able to freely express her inner self without any thoughts or consequences to herself, family, friends, associates and position in day to day life.

A Femulator, as she becomes more and more comfortable with her inner femininity and her growing ability to present as a woman, she has a concomitant urge – desire to be open (to a safe degree) and “show” that she is in fact, as well as desires, be perceived as the woman she is.

A Femulator, as she begins to achieve a comfort level, she yearnsto be accepted by women and welcomed into their special sorority of mutual support, caring and Girl Fun.

A Femulator, is always seeking to improve, expand and demonstrate her feminine core to the point where she no longer questions her “Passability”.

A Femulator, is confident and content with herself, her mannerisms, style, taste, vocabulary and relaxed ability to engage in conversation as a “Girl/Woman” depending on the setting.

A Femulator, is equally at home chatting “Girl Talk” – Clothes. Makeup, or style with her manicurist, hair stylist or the “Make-Over Artist”, a Ladies dress or lingerie store sales associate, or the waitress or airline stewardess.  These small enjoyable interactions further reinforce her long held feeling that she is a woman.

A Femulator is quietly envious and openly admiring of women and seeks to emulate this sublime, graceful, delicate but strong creature which has been hidden in her inner core for what may seem like an eternity.

A Femulator seeks to conceal all traces, signs, indicators, physical, emotional and even psychological of her other (or former) masculine traits, habits, values, mannerisms, and most importantly appearance. This may be the true essence of a Femulator.

A Femulator may have a strong but often repressed urge to be open up about her femininity within both a small private setting/gathering of women and enjoy their company in a larger, more public arena such as a shopping excursion, dinner engagement, theater attendance or even a free-style dance venue.  Any where she can the Girl she is.

A Femulator is often searching for female companionship, and the special relationship that manifests itself between sisters and that BFF Girl friend. Some one that she can be totally “Her” and interact without any pretense or concern – full acceptance is the goal.

A Femulator is always sublimely appreciative of the thrill of acceptance, be it a small complement on her outfit, or the mere act of a door being held open by a unknown male, and the use of female terms of communications such as “honey, sweetie, dearie,” much less the welcome greeting of madame or ladies or the cheerful good bye from the saleslady or waitress of “Please, do come back”.

A Femulator just loves the quiet joy when shopping in an upscale ladies’ boutique, either by herself or with a BFF, of being surrounded, totally immersed, and floating in the invisible cloud of estrogen – caressing soft fabrics, enjoying the riot of colors, and styles and being able to sample the perfumes, try on that spectacular dress, hold that skirt or blouse up in front of a mirror, step into those absolutely slinky heels and strut a few steps in them and feel the smoothness of the skirt lining on her bare legs.

A Femulator is aware of all the wonderful thrills and emotions and sensations that only her womanly self can experience.  She does not want to ever surrender these small pleasures and the myriads (hundreds) of other pluses that accrue to being a woman.

A Femulator enjoys the special awareness of being her own GIRL the moment she steps out of the shower or tub after enjoying the warm water and fragrance of the floral perfumed body wash with all those definitely names – feminine titles – Romantic Rose, Summer Eve, Forest Glenn, Perfectly Silky.

A Femulator loves to see each and all of these and the literally thousands of other perfume scents available, and displayed on her make up platform.  All add to and provide a glorious enhancement of her sense of femininity and smoothness of her soft and glowing skin.

A Femulator is also exquisitely aware of the gentle reminders (and subtle enhancers) of her femininity that are provided by her inner female attire from the soft, yet firm fit of the intricately designed composite of nylon and lace panties that encase (and gently massaging) her well rounded derriere, and its companion delicately the sculpturedbrassiere which shapes and pronounces another of her profile as being that of the eternal nurturing female.

A Femulator receives a special insight into her femininity when she automatically whisks her skirt to one side and slides into the Banquet or onto a polished bar stool and orders her favorite refreshment, a Mint Julep. It is the same feeling of graceful femininity that captures her thoughts as she slides under fresh polished bedsheets.  All of these little “dances” reminds our Femulator of the special aspects of her very enjoyable femininity.

A Femulator loves all of these aspects of her femininity both in her external appearance, inner satisfaction and calmness teamed with a special degree of excitement when all these elements and feelings come together and are captured in a fleeting moment as our Gal catches a glance of her image in the reflection in a store window, the entryway mirror of an upscale hotel or department store.  The instant question Is That Me? and the immediate and very pleasing response YES -YES that is me!!!

A Femulator can be a nicely attractive woman out for a little shopping and browsing by sight, emotion and brail.  She will lightly finger the texture of a racks and racks of blouses and skirts in her favorite colors and designs.  Each quickly evaluated with the unspoken question – Is it me? Does it speak to me? – before either grabbing the treasure or bypassing it without another thought – Enjoying just being a Girl.

A Femulator enjoys the delicious joyful womanly pursuit of the search for the special treasure of the day – Perhaps chasing an evasive piece of feminine attire for an upcoming event or merely seeking an undefined but eye-catching, soul soring item of clothing, jewelry or even shoes that will satisfy our Girl’s perennial yearning to demonstrate her inner and outer feeling and appearance of her female essence.

A Femulator enjoys the smoothness of her skin after a luxurious almost endless soak in a perfumed, bubble or milk bath or even more exhilarating a combination of these decidedly feminine luxuries.  A parallel feeling is the realization of the softness of her facial and special skin areas when she is applying a soothing night or morning cream to her “brow, eye area, her apples, neck and décolletage, shoulders, breasts, legs and hands”. A rigorous creaming application, morning and evening for three days will yield another small testament the softness of her female persona.

A Femulator enjoys every visit to her favorite Nail Salon where her Nail Buddy will be waiting to perform all the subtle and magical techniques including a warm water Massaging Pedicure followed by moving to a Nail Station where in the next two hours her hands, fingers and lower arms will be treated to the bi-weekly ritual of softening her hands, shaping, polishing her nails – one by one – until they are the perfect color and sheen, an outward sign of her inner feminine soul.

A Femulator loves seeing and more so enjoys seeing the smile and girlish gleam in her eyes that were caught intentionally or accidently by the unknown photographer.  She adds those momentary glimpses into her inner soul to her private photo collection which she has been building and documents her growth, beauty, gracefulness and depth of her evolving femininity.  A reaffirmation of her inner conviction of femininity.

A Femulator loves the joy and acceptance of a warm hug or dual clasp of hands and being called ‘Dear” by another woman.  It reinforces the degree of the inner femininity that she holds in her heart and warmly returns the feeling with a warm hug and possibly a kiss on the cheek.

A Femulator is genuinely content and proud, without any shame, to wear her feminine attire.  She loves the click and clack of her heels.  That 2-3-4 inches elevates her whole world view and reminds her that she loves all of these small indicators of her femininity, such as the cool breeze wafting under her skirt and around her smooth bare legs.  Such a small wonderful touch of feminine ecstasy.

A Femulator is particularly proud of her flexibility in choosing and wearing feminine attire from pretty panties and bra, a soft delicate slip, a body-hugging night gown, a billowy skirt or a derriere hugging pencil style, a silky smooth white man-tailored blouse or a flouncy scoop neck off the shoulder’s peasant blouse.

A Femulator is just as proud, content and happy when simply wearing jeans and a sweater or a snazzy workout combo when starting out for her morning walk or heading to the nearby dance salon for a Zumba lesson.  All these roles and actions and their special attire further enhance her satisfaction of being a female.

A Femulator just loves the little acts that mark her as being a female. These include the graceful art of casually throwing a shawl or elegant stole over a shoulder, grabbing a purse without a thought, dangling a high-heeled shoe from a nylon encased toe, or automatically scooping up a kitten or puppy and bringing the tiny furry bundle of innocence to her cheek and cooing into its ear.

A Femulator always feels a girlish thrill and special surge of her femininity when she dons a new dress or suit, matching heels and purse and after finishing her facial portrait, steps away from her make up table, stands up and concludes this little ritual with several spritz of her one or more of her favorite perfumes.

At this point in our excursion into our generic Femulator the author had chosen to leave the reader with one more and possibly most telling experience of the Femulator.

A Femulator living as a girl either part or full time will awaken in the morning knowing she is a female and although typically sleeping on her right-side may roll over onto her back, stretch her arms over her head and stretch and in this process may get a whiff of the talc or body wash from the previous evening. This is another tiny reminder of her femininity and after performs a set of squiggles as she shifts to her left side and squinting at the alarm clock learns she has another ten-fifteen minutes to enjoy this period of feminine bliss.

With these unique touches of her femininity our GAL succumbs to dreamland for a few more moments of feminine bliss.  Is it not wonderful being a WOMAN?

In closing an earlier saying is worth repeating …

Each moment spent as a Woman is a moment to cherish.”

Stana is back, part time. Welcome back!

Evolution Of Tall Gal Fashionista

By Marie Anne Greene

Have been reviewing and mulling over the creation and evolution of Marie, Marie Anne and her more sophisticated alter ego – Marie Anne Veronique, and the various benchmarks along this journey of femininity.  I do not know where this writing effort will wander nor do I know where or how this Vignette will end, however I do hope you will find it interesting and enjoyable. 

Suspect it began before I was born and possibly even before I was conceived.  Perhaps all of this mix of genes and multitudes (millions) of cells, various chemicals and the composition of the male sperm and the female embryo were not perfectly balanced – that is pure male or pure female – and had created a slightly off-perfection combination of “ingredients” that culminated in me.

My recollections are mixed about when I suspected I was not all male or should say had some female hiding in my inner core.  My first positive but fearful incident occurred at age 13 or 14 when one day I discovered my nipples were suddenly hard and sore and had a pronounced bud of perhaps a quarter sized diameter which was tender to the touch.  Was terrified – am I turning into a girl?  After a week or so all the sensations and buds receded and life continued more or less normal at least to the outside world, although several times, perhaps three, during my teen years when the opportunity to try on female attire presented itself, I could not resist the temptation and briefly succumbed.

Each experience was a combination of exhilaration and terror of doing something that was “wrong” and at the possibility of being “caught”.  The first real “adventure” came after I was married and my bride needed a “female dance partner” for a Ladies Charity event and her cousin who was supposed to be the “partner” had injured her ankle and would not recover in time.  So, the two of them undertook the challenge of creating a substitute from the resources that were available – Me!  They dubbed the new GIRL “Angie”.  All went well and afterwards my bride said now that I had experienced being a “Girl” and learned some of the tribulations that women went through, I would appreciate her even more than I did.

It was several decades later after the children were adults and I had risen within the business company to a position which warranted several of days of travel to trade shows and conferences every few months.  My remembrance of that “Dance Partner” experience and free reign of the always nearby “Shopping Malls” which were for the most part dominated by displays of women’s clothes of all varieties sparked something internal.  I became envious of the displays but was again terrified of doing “something wrong or at least strange” until I happen to see two movies which highlighted men in the role of women quite convincingly. This came as a cap on the many movies which impacted my feminine imaging.

The first star was sultry Veronica Lake of the blonde hair over one eye.  Others ranged from Debby Reynolds (who I was privileged to meet when I was 16). Other ladies of the Silver Screen were: Tipi Hendrick, Deborah Kerr, Jane Seymour, and Catherine Deneuve, Doris Day and many others.  However, it was the two movies with the males presenting as females that decided my decision to experiment and it was not the comedy farce “Some Like it Hot” with Tony Curtis and John Lemmon.

From then on whenever on a long “Solo” business trip, I would try and capture the look of a female character I had recently seen in the movies or on TV.  Essentially, these adventures were “One or two-night stands” and confined to the hotel room and the balcony if, the room had one.  However, was very content with my appearance and but still feeling scared, and at the same time proud of my image but more so feeling unfulfilled by not being able to openly enter the outside world in my female persona.

Feeling brave and a little adventurous, would occasionally walk the hallway in my heels to the soda/ice machine and or the elevator area where most of the time there were nice floor length mirrors just right for a “Girl” to check herself out before heading out for a night of glamour.  Of course, there was the drawback of the “purging” all the feminine goodies before heading home.  On the other hand, although I lamented having to jettison all the delicacies my sorrow was offset by the realization that a “new” outfit was on the horizon in a few months or a year.  During all these excursions, I knew I was just a guy with a taste for female clothes and a pension for makeup and at the time did not have a permanent female or feminine persona.

It was not until, shortly after my bride passed away and I was left alone with 16 acres of land, two horses and a 200-year-old Plantation house full of antiques, that all these “girl” memories came back and the scent of lavender and other feminine hints began to come to the fore in my evening hours when the day’s jobs and all the chores were done and I found I had free time and some “disposal” income, essentially a first in my life.

I was in a limbo status for about four years waiting for a buyer of the property.  In the meantime, I was free and could, theoretically do what I wanted or desired to do.  After six-seven months church friends started trying to pair me with various lady friends.  This eventually led to four such attempts – The first needed and wanted a friend but no permanent partner. (We are still very good friends.)  The next several were quickly “foul Balls”. The fourth after two months showed herself to a true “Good Digger” and after sieving off a sizeable amount of my resources determined I did not have enough to satisfy her “Haught” standards.

Finally, until a buyer was found and the property, horses and equipment were sold.  Now I was truly free with an open road ahead.  Hit the road for a year and eventually returned to the area and purchased a single-family standalone house with two-bedroom suites, one of which had been set up by the previous owner for a female resident and the other a male occupant.  Did not take me long to recognize the potential for a dual personality lifestyle (at least on a part-time basis).  Proceeded to buy and further enhanced the décor of the “female” bedroom suite. This included female artwork and floral arrangements.

Once the decision was made and settled into the neighborhood and confirmed the neighborhood and the placement of the house provided a high degree of privacy and although all of the neighbors were friendly none were busybodies.  Each had their own lives to pursue. With all these facts in place, decided to explore my here-to fore hidden and suppressed femininity.

Began this journey with the purchase of two slim-lined dresses and a set of matching lingerie, hose, heels and a beautiful blonde shoulder length crown.  Basic cosmetics followed – lipstick, mascara, eye liner, foundation and powder plus perfume.  Had to add a hair remover to rid my lower arms and chest of the tell-tale male hair.  Over time I added to this collective assembly of femininity and simultaneously sought out advice on how to be the best Girl-Woman I could be.  Was very, very lucky and found a great “Girl-Guide”. She was and is a wonder in many fields from style, deportment and cosmetics and most of all understanding and support.  One of our first challenges was the selection of a proper name for the emerging female persona.  The selection was initially totally mine.  This was not the first time I considered the selection going to the level of writing out several candidate names during some of my previous trips in the privacy of the hotel room. 

Considered several exotic options but recognized although great for my female ego they might attract too much attention.  Wanted a name that connoted a female without attracting unusual attention or questions – selected Marie and was very comfortable with the name and it quickly became mine.  At this point my GIRL Gide suggested we add a middle or second name.  Another plus, selected Anne.  Thus, Marie Anne became my female persona as I added the family name of “Greene” with an “E” to complete the total identifier. Female and slightly unique but easily acceptable in all circumstances.

During the subsequent months my Guide was to be the first of a small diverse group of women that welcomed me into their exclusive sorority.  These included a lady barber/hair dresser, a make-up consultant, a dress maker, a cosmetic nurse.  Each became an understanding and accepting friend. Our dialogs quickly became Girl to Girl chats with a mutual and relaxed exchange of thoughts, feelings, cares and aspirations. Was hopeful this small cadre would slowly expand.  A few more female friends would be a wonderful treat.

Now back to another lane in this road.  Recognizing that Marie will not be able to attain the ultimate goal of a fully physically functioning female, there is much to be enjoyed short of this goal and can still experience many of these small pleasures on the way or have even succeed in attaining many to some exquisite degree throughout this journey.  Externally have acquired a female wardrobe for all seasons and moods and am quite comfortable in any and all, although a Girl will always go for something new and expressive of her inner self.

There is no closet large enough to accommodate it all although fashion dictates a seemingly endless degree of “mirror, sensuous, flirtatious and emotionally self-fulfilling options to dress, dream and experiment”.  However, once no longer surrounded by the framework of a full-time job and family and lack one of those time-consuming hobbies such as the Golf-Course, we must find another outlet.  In the case of Marie Anne, the development of the Tasi’s TALL GAL persona as an augmenting aspect of Marie Anne Veronique (one of my early exotic choices which was too exotic for everyday use) was a welcoming and warning outlet for both my writing skills, telling of adventures and cultivating a few more friends and new experiences.

My fashion sense must be somewhat innate as it came without a challenge or special training.  My Girl Guide primed the pump, so to speak, when she began referring to Marie as her “Little Fashionista”.  In retrospect, it was all those trips through Malls and a variety of Movies, TV shows and of course working in Metropolitan areas as both a teenager and mature man where the surrounding women daily dressed stylishly, and visiting upscale department stores and specialty stores with my spouse who was both a highly successful Interior Designer and as well as a well attired business woman.  Of course, living in a house for more than twenty years surrounded by four females (wife and three girls) had to have some effect on my appreciation for female attire and some of the tricks of the specie.

During the course of Marie’s adventures and daily lifestyle, I have intentionally or accidently evolved, as Marie Anne became more and more of my waking and napping life style.  As this has occurred have noticed am much more aware of the meaning of the Feminine Mystic and all the little tells and mannerisms and wonderful feelings with the multiple (hundreds) of body movements that are now automatic and joyous as Marie continues to evolve.

Some of these may have been prompted by my early daily intake of a little blue Estrogen pill but cannot clinically affirm any significant changes to this part of my experiment.  If so, they are induced a possible modification or balance in the male/female aspect of the brain.  Do not know.  Probably the first and openly evident to me, at least, was my ability when composing 70 plus Marie Vignettes to frame and convey these stories as if written by a woman rather than the cut and dry fact- based writing of a male as I had done throughout my previous business career.  Have detected a far greater flow and smoother ease of descriptive adjectives and style as found in novels composed by female authors.  Belief this is a hallmark of these Vignettes and plan to continue and nurture Marie Anne Veronique story telling style skills.

During Marie’s evolution went from the early days of buying a “girl costume” for a stage play or production to the acquisition of “my wardrobe”.  That perfect dress, a “must have” piece of jewelry was now viewed as “mine”.  Marie was no longer an actor or player on stage.  She is an integral and natural part of my female universe, at least on an internal, mental and emotional basis.

Overtime, noticed another change in the perspective of value when adding “ingredients” to my ever-growing wardrobe and world of Marie Anne.  This “change” came to be noted with the selection and careful care given to handling and sense of ownership of these items including dresses, skirts, blouses, tops, jewelry, lingerie shoes, coats, purses, footwear and daily facial and skin care. Also, was the parallel of enhancing Marie’s “Boudoir” and dressing area to convey a greater feminine aurora.

Was no longer a man who periodically wore a dress as part of a sham presentation but was a female with all the feminine feelings and concerns and special sense of style and lady-like decorum at least at an ever-increasing level of feminine attainment.  Marine Anne was now totally comfortable being just “Marie” with the girls all the way to being Marie Anne in a more formal setting of sophistication just waiting to be “Veronique”, the romantic female persona which will never be reached except perhaps in a future literary effort.

Jewelry is now part of Marie persona, particularly a White Diamond engagement ring, almost a permanent fixture on left hand, as well a silver bracelet and matching earrings to complete an outfit or enhance a special mood and image that are now a part of Marie Anne’s ever evolving Persona.

Each of these acquisitions was a small crystal that became part of the inner femininity that is Marie Anne.  Each building on the previous and adding to the overall Persona.  Each was/is another small step toward to the fulfillment of femininity and added to mental and emotional components and the coming together to bring Marie to a greater sense of satisfaction.