Every single human being is struggling, in one way, shape or form, with the plague that has fallen over us. 48 million out of work, many will not return to the jobs they lost. Entire industries wiped out. The elderly, prisoners of their homes. My Dad and I have a very good relationship, much of which has been unspoken. My guess, our next hug will be followed by his being then lowered into the ground. Dear friends of mine, like Tina and Sherry, unable to get the time to be themselves. I could go on and on, no need, we all have a different reality than we did a few months ago.
I guess what is weighing on me is the fact that this isn’t going anywhere soon. Yes, certainly some time in my life, God willing, things will be like they were. But they won’t. Permanent ways in how we are humans will become ingrained. Habits will be changed. I am by no means being negative, I am being real, honest. Even if the vaccine was created right now, the necessary testing, FDA approval and us all getting the vaccine still puts it many, many months into the future. Best case 2022 will be a “normal” year. But it won’t be.
Technology had already allowed us to know more people and know those people less. The roots we grew in relationships do not have the time to germinate anymore. It has also, even more recently, eliminated the need to actually be somewhere. Now we Zoom everything.
So since this is my blog, I’ll personalize this. Our experiences are all so very different. For some, just getting dressed, even to sit at home and watch a movie, is great. For me, it is all about you. Yes, you. People. People have been almost completely removed from my life. Here is a simple example. In the good old days, maybe way back in 2019, on a day with nothing on my agenda, I would have stopped at a bar or Happy Hour, plopped my butt down and usually within fifteen minutes, I would be in conversation with someone I did not know fifteen minutes prior. And in many, many circumstances, that person’s number might end up in my cell phone, we may have hugged, they may have bought me a drink or I may have shared a meal with them. A photo may have been taken (I usually look pretty cute, you know?). All of these have happened to me. Now, maybe never again. I recently stopped at a winery, but because of social distancing, I sat alone at a table, bored. No opportunity or ability for human interaction.
Yeah, I get to dress. Yeah, I have a great wardrobe. We are certainly blessed not to (yet) have missed a paycheck. But I feel like I am living on an island, an island that is actual drifting away from humanity. I don’t expect to be able to hug either of our daughters for quite some time and if and when that happens, we will certainly think twice about doing so. One is a health care worker and her boyfriend an ER resident, the other lives in a Chicago high rise, an epicenter for the virus.
Because our congregation is skewed older, Kandi’s church is still live streaming. Yippee, TV religion. My wife and I went to Mass the afternoon I wrote this, no singing allowed (thankfully I don’t sing, but I like to listen), half of every pew shut down and a sea of masks. Inspiring. Yeah, right….. Now technology, COVID-19, the media, protests and politics, all pushing us apart. Really, really sad.
Plus being on the bottom of the social totem pole doesn’t help me either. For example, I reached out via e-mail to two people, both senior level executives, both I have interacted with in the past, both representing organizations promoting diversity, as well as another person with a “diversity” organization. I reached out to offer any help, just to do something. No response. Nothing. Nada. Not even a message saying there is nothing really I could do to help right now. And these are “diversity” organizations.
Even within my “community”, I remain marginalized. And they did receive my messages, but being a nonperson (sorry Linda, that is my experience, maybe not yours, but generally has been mine), they never extended me the courtesy of at least a response. And this has happened to me way more times than I can count. The discourtesy blows my mind! It must be me is all I can believe.
I have tried to steer clear of all of this shit, but every once in a while, I need to look you all in the eye and speak true. My smile remains, always, but there is an emptiness in my soul. I miss life and don’t expect to see it anytime soon.
Okay, an uplifting little story. The other day I was beginning my work day and pulled up my favorite radio station out of Chicago. ELO’s “Mr. Blue Sky” comes on. It’s a beautiful day and I was planning an outing the next day, so my mood was a good one. This song is all about feeling good, optimistic. Plus I love ELO. While the song played as I had cranked it up, a tanker truck pulls next to me. I look over and see the truck was from Blue Sky Transportation. Music again screwing with me!
If you could not find the “Supper Club” page early yesterday, the issue has been corrected. My apologies!