A TRIBUTE TO THE ORIGINAL FEMULATOR: STANA ST. ANA
Compiled By Marie Anne Greene
PREAMBLE
There are probably more
than 2500 conferences conducted in the United States in any given year. The topics range from Climate Change to Space
Research and Religious Discussions.
Regardless of the subject matter or where the convocation is held or the
overt composition of the attendees or the percentages of various ethnic, or
economic groupings, there are other smaller individual and invisible
representations of other segments of society.
This particular essay
attempts to capture and present a realistic and representative description of one
of these small segments of society, the Male to Female Femulator – previously
referred to as Transvestites or Cross-Dressers.
In the authors opinion, these terms do not accurately or completely
describe the multitude of men, who down through the ages from the times of the
Egyptian Pharaoh’s, have chosen to dress in women’s style of clothing upon
occasion or as their normal mode of attire. Examples go back into recorded
history at least as far as the reign of the Egyptian Pharaohs and some African
dynasties.
The balance of this article
(more of an exploration) is based on the experiences of more than half a dozen
of modern males who are living in this modern bifactor world (largely on a
part-time basis) while discharging all the responsibilities and obligations
that society expects (in some cases demands) of the adult male. Yes! The adult male. These are not the experimental excursions
that may have occurred in the teen age and earlier years of the male.
Often these earlier mini-excursions
into the world of the female were undertaken out of a sense of inner curiosity and
forbidden adventure. Generally, the
number of these excursions decreased and the time gap between events increased
as the male moved into a position of adult responsibility which typically
involved job and family responsibilities. These responsibilities steadily
increased and spanned their next 20-30 years and precluded any degree of
regular adventures in Femulating -that is seeking to experience, and imitate
the dress, mannerisms, social behavior and interactions of the his (her) inner
femininity with genetic women, on a women-to-women basis.
However, there were/are
numerous restraints on these emotional, phycological and physical desires including
personal embarrassment, loss of a job, shame in the local community, and
breakup and damage to the family, the relationship with a spouse, any children,
other relatives and long-term friends and possibly previous classmates or
career associates.
One small but very
gratifying exception to this societal situation is the loving spouse who
accepts and recognizes this aspect of their partner. Most spouses do not recognize this need and/or
are reluctant to accept a revelation of this profound nature which for the most
part, places their spouse (the Femulator) in the position of maintaining this “forbidden:
portion of their personality and emotional needs hidden.
The modern Femulator is
not typical of what the terms “Transvestite or Drag Queen” meant in the public
perception of the past which often connoted a deviation from the “Norm”. Today’s Femulator is normal in all aspects of
life and society and who have fully accepted the responsibilities of the
typical adult male. For the purpose of
this exploratory essay, the author suggests the period of the typical male responsibility
– career, marriage, community and family – cover a period of 25-30-35
years. Another way of describing this
period is a period of self-imposed “absentness”, that is knowingly suppressing/foregoing the desire to Femulate for
the reasons cited previous.
Another possible factor
in this period of “multi-responsibility”, is the feeling of accomplishment from
his career progress and success, a happy family and generally feeling of
self-satisfaction and self-worth.
Another factor that could impact this period and is the normal decline
is the vibrance of masculine hormones. Conceivably
as the masculine part of our hormonal balance declines conceivably the formerly
“dormant” female hormones-estrogen combination may engender a resurgent of the inner
femininity. Following these
possibilities, the feminine aspects of his composition may be unleased, and in
some ways reflect a desire to regain some degree of inner self-contentment by
allowing this other aspect of his humanness to emerge, learn, grow, mature and seek
to be accepted as a “woman”.
At this point please let
the author introduce several sayings which may go straight to the core of the
inner soul of the contemporary Femulator.
The first Quote which
may assist in clarifying the Femulator’s personal attitude in life’s journey
was penned by Frances (Evelyn) Lear, a noted writer and women’s advocate.
“I believe the second half if one’s
life is meant to be better than the first half.
The first half is finding out how you do it. The second half is enjoying it.”
A corollary to this opinion is one offered by Rhonda
Williams in her noted BLOG. “Femulate Org.”
“It is never too late to be what
you might have been”.
Another opinion, this
offered by a hair dresser friend of the author tells another aspect of life to
live by.
“Be your own kind of beautiful”.
Lastly,
another
quote, author unknow is:
“Each moment spent as a Woman is a
moment to cherish”.
At this point in the
discussion it may be appropriate to attempt to catalogue (or at least list)
some of the rationales’ that may motivate the typical (if there is such a
person) Femulator.
POSSIBLE RATIONALS
& DESIRES
This list of more than
two dozen observations is relatively extensive and encompassing, HOWEVER it is
not complete nor presented in anything like a priority order. Hope a few of the observations will ring true
to you Dear Reader and will tickle your feminine fancy. Let’s Begin !
A Femulator is seeking
to express and feel her inner and outer femininity in a fun but respectful
homage to the human female in as many ways and modes as she can image with
absolutely no thought as to her biological structure.
A Femulator is
expressing her inner femininity, which is has been previously suppressed. This suppression is dictated by our society
and culture and more so by the circumstances that she finds herself surrounded
by in the everyday world.
A Femulator is proud,
if only within herself, of her femininity and seeks to be able to freely
express her inner self without any thoughts or consequences to herself, family,
friends, associates and position in day to day life.
A Femulator, as she
becomes more and more comfortable with her inner femininity and her growing
ability to present as a woman, she has a concomitant urge – desire to be open
(to a safe degree) and “show” that she is in fact, as well as desires, be perceived
as the woman she is.
A Femulator, as she
begins to achieve a comfort level, she yearnsto be accepted by women and welcomed into their special sorority
of mutual support, caring and Girl Fun.
A Femulator, is always
seeking to improve, expand and demonstrate her feminine core to the point where
she no longer questions her “Passability”.
A Femulator, is
confident and content with herself, her mannerisms, style, taste, vocabulary
and relaxed ability to engage in conversation as a “Girl/Woman” depending on
the setting.
A Femulator, is equally
at home chatting “Girl Talk” – Clothes. Makeup, or style with her manicurist,
hair stylist or the “Make-Over Artist”, a Ladies dress or lingerie store sales
associate, or the waitress or airline stewardess. These small enjoyable interactions further
reinforce her long held feeling that she is a woman.
A Femulator is quietly
envious and openly admiring of women and seeks to emulate this sublime,
graceful, delicate but strong creature which has been hidden in her inner core
for what may seem like an eternity.
A Femulator seeks to
conceal all traces, signs, indicators, physical, emotional and even
psychological of her other (or former) masculine traits, habits, values,
mannerisms, and most importantly appearance. This may be the true essence of a Femulator.
A Femulator may have a
strong but often repressed urge to be open up about her femininity within both
a small private setting/gathering of women and enjoy their company in a larger,
more public arena such as a shopping excursion, dinner engagement, theater
attendance or even a free-style dance venue.
Any where she can the Girl she is.
A Femulator is often
searching for female companionship, and the special relationship that manifests
itself between sisters and that BFF Girl friend. Some one that she can be
totally “Her” and interact without any pretense or concern – full acceptance is
the goal.
A Femulator is always
sublimely appreciative of the thrill of acceptance, be it a small complement on
her outfit, or the mere act of a door being held open by a unknown male, and
the use of female terms of communications such as “honey, sweetie, dearie,”
much less the welcome greeting of madame or ladies or the cheerful good bye
from the saleslady or waitress of “Please, do come back”.
A Femulator just loves
the quiet joy when shopping in an upscale ladies’ boutique, either by herself
or with a BFF, of being surrounded, totally immersed, and floating in the
invisible cloud of estrogen – caressing soft fabrics, enjoying the riot of
colors, and styles and being able to sample the perfumes, try on that
spectacular dress, hold that skirt or blouse up in front of a mirror, step into
those absolutely slinky heels and strut a few steps in them and feel the
smoothness of the skirt lining on her bare legs.
A Femulator is aware of
all the wonderful thrills and emotions and sensations that only her womanly
self can experience. She does not want
to ever surrender these small pleasures and the myriads (hundreds) of other
pluses that accrue to being a woman.
A Femulator enjoys the
special awareness of being her own GIRL the moment she steps out of the shower
or tub after enjoying the warm water and fragrance of the floral perfumed body
wash with all those definitely names – feminine titles – Romantic Rose, Summer Eve,
Forest Glenn, Perfectly Silky.
A Femulator loves to
see each and all of these and the literally thousands of other perfume scents available,
and displayed on her make up platform. All
add to and provide a glorious enhancement of her sense of femininity and
smoothness of her soft and glowing skin.
A Femulator is also
exquisitely aware of the gentle reminders (and subtle enhancers) of her
femininity that are provided by her inner female attire from the soft, yet firm
fit of the intricately designed composite of nylon and lace panties that encase
(and gently massaging) her well rounded derriere, and its companion delicately the
sculpturedbrassiere which shapes
and pronounces another of her profile as being that of the eternal nurturing
female.
A Femulator receives a
special insight into her femininity when she automatically whisks her skirt to
one side and slides into the Banquet or onto a polished bar stool and orders
her favorite refreshment, a Mint Julep. It is the same feeling of graceful femininity
that captures her thoughts as she slides under fresh polished bedsheets. All of these little “dances” reminds our Femulator
of the special aspects of her very enjoyable femininity.
A Femulator loves all
of these aspects of her femininity both in her external appearance, inner
satisfaction and calmness teamed with a special degree of excitement when all
these elements and feelings come together and are captured in a fleeting moment
as our Gal catches a glance of her image in the reflection in a store window,
the entryway mirror of an upscale hotel or department store. The instant question Is That Me? and the immediate and very pleasing response YES -YES that is me!!!
A Femulator can be a
nicely attractive woman out for a little shopping and browsing by sight,
emotion and brail. She will lightly
finger the texture of a racks and racks of blouses and skirts in her favorite
colors and designs. Each quickly
evaluated with the unspoken question – Is
it me? Does it speak to me? – before either grabbing the treasure or
bypassing it without another thought – Enjoying just being a Girl.
A Femulator enjoys the
delicious joyful womanly pursuit of the search for the special treasure of the
day – Perhaps chasing an evasive piece of feminine attire for an upcoming event
or merely seeking an undefined but eye-catching, soul soring item of clothing,
jewelry or even shoes that will satisfy our Girl’s perennial yearning to
demonstrate her inner and outer feeling and appearance of her female essence.
A Femulator enjoys the
smoothness of her skin after a luxurious almost endless soak in a perfumed,
bubble or milk bath or even more exhilarating a combination of these decidedly
feminine luxuries. A parallel feeling is
the realization of the softness of her facial and special skin areas when she
is applying a soothing night or morning cream to her “brow, eye area, her apples,
neck and décolletage, shoulders, breasts, legs and hands”. A rigorous creaming
application, morning and evening for three days will yield another small
testament the softness of her female persona.
A Femulator enjoys every
visit to her favorite Nail Salon where her Nail Buddy will be waiting to
perform all the subtle and magical techniques including a warm water Massaging
Pedicure followed by moving to a Nail Station where in the next two hours her
hands, fingers and lower arms will be treated to the bi-weekly ritual of
softening her hands, shaping, polishing her nails – one by one – until they are
the perfect color and sheen, an outward sign of her inner feminine soul.
A Femulator loves
seeing and more so enjoys seeing the smile and girlish gleam in her eyes that were
caught intentionally or accidently by the unknown photographer. She adds those momentary glimpses into her
inner soul to her private photo collection which she has been building and
documents her growth, beauty, gracefulness and depth of her evolving
femininity. A reaffirmation of her inner
conviction of femininity.
A Femulator loves the
joy and acceptance of a warm hug or dual clasp of hands and being called ‘Dear”
by another woman. It reinforces the degree
of the inner femininity that she holds in her heart and warmly returns the
feeling with a warm hug and possibly a kiss on the cheek.
A Femulator is
genuinely content and proud, without any shame, to wear her feminine attire. She loves the click and clack of her
heels. That 2-3-4 inches elevates her
whole world view and reminds her that she loves all of these small indicators
of her femininity, such as the cool breeze wafting under her skirt and around
her smooth bare legs. Such a small
wonderful touch of feminine ecstasy.
A Femulator is particularly proud of her flexibility in choosing and wearing feminine attire from pretty panties and bra, a soft delicate slip, a body-hugging night gown, a billowy skirt or a derriere hugging pencil style, a silky smooth white man-tailored blouse or a flouncy scoop neck off the shoulder’s peasant blouse.
A Femulator is just as
proud, content and happy when simply wearing jeans and a sweater or a snazzy
workout combo when starting out for her morning walk or heading to the nearby
dance salon for a Zumba lesson. All
these roles and actions and their special attire further enhance her satisfaction
of being a female.
A Femulator just loves
the little acts that mark her as being a female. These include the graceful art
of casually throwing a shawl or elegant stole over a shoulder, grabbing a purse
without a thought, dangling a high-heeled shoe from a nylon encased toe, or
automatically scooping up a kitten or puppy and bringing the tiny furry bundle
of innocence to her cheek and cooing into its ear.
A Femulator always
feels a girlish thrill and special surge of her femininity when she dons a new
dress or suit, matching heels and purse and after finishing her facial
portrait, steps away from her make up table, stands up and concludes this
little ritual with several spritz of her one or more of her favorite perfumes.
At this point in our
excursion into our generic Femulator the author had chosen to leave the reader
with one more and possibly most telling experience of the Femulator.
A Femulator living as a
girl either part or full time will awaken in the morning knowing she is a
female and although typically sleeping on her right-side may roll over onto her
back, stretch her arms over her head and stretch and in this process may get a
whiff of the talc or body wash from the previous evening. This is another tiny
reminder of her femininity and after performs a set of squiggles as she shifts
to her left side and squinting at the alarm clock learns she has another
ten-fifteen minutes to enjoy this period of feminine bliss.
With these unique touches of her femininity our GAL succumbs to dreamland for a few more moments of feminine bliss. Is it not wonderful being a WOMAN?
In
closing an earlier saying is worth repeating …
“ Each moment spent as a Woman is a moment to cherish.”
Stana is back, part time. Welcome back!
